Fate
by Hannaadi88
Summary: Sometimes, the smallest thing can lead to huge heartbreak. /Arthur PV/


_Fate_

-x-

* * *

I'm sorry.

Life plays strange tricks on people, everyone says. Fate is mysterious- you can only go along with it. In the stream of time, you are only one small pebble that is cascaded over in the flow of things. Our lives are determined before we are born- what we will be called, who will we love, how we would die. Never would we really be able to change what was decided long ago.

By that logic, I'm not guilty. If all that is true, then what happened was not my fault- it was just a fulfillment of a job I have been given. I believe in fate, magic and horoscope. God. No one can control his or her destiny. But no matter how many times I repeat this in the darkness of my room, why can't I believe it? Why can't I forgive myself? I didn't-

Bull. Stop putting the blame on others, Arthur. You know who is going to be held responsible for your sins- you and you alone. Scum like you don't deserve a pardon.

That sounds about right. The idea that nothing will save me from the depth of my despair- no priest, no confession or any psychologist can grant me salvation- is just. Perhaps… perhaps it would have been better if I were never born. Then none of this would have happened, correct?

But wishing won't help them now.

Why had I been so mean? After all they had done for me, they didn't deserve one nasty thing I said about them. To their face, behind their back… I was the ringleader, you see. I suppose I couldn't stand the way they looked at each other or the way they started avoiding me. I just couldn't stand not being with them while fully knowing what they were doing alone.

Yes, there was some disgust. Okay- that was my first reaction. How would you react if you suddenly found out that your two best mates were snogging each other behind your back? I, who pride myself in my acceptance and open-mindedness, was the first to be told. Figured they were safe telling me, their best friend.

Maybe if they weren't two guys, I wouldn't have minded so much. But they were.

I started out by keeping my distance. Give them some space while I personally mulled over our new relationship. I didn't want to associate with faggots. I mean, I am the head of the student council after all! If people knew that I hung out with… with kids like _them_, they would probably start thinking the same about me, and that we have threesome orgies or something.

But I don't! I never even thought about such an absurd thing! If I did, I wouldn't be fit to represent my fellow students. The sentiment would probably be mutual, hence my initial distance from the two of them. It would cost me my position.

I suppose things would have been fine if they hadn't gone around kissing each other in public. Our friendship would have probably simply faded away, and-

Who am I kidding? Kissing or not, it was my fault. If I hadn't been jealous, we would have probably parted ways civilly. But no, I couldn't stand the fact that they were as close as ever while I was alone. Alone and painfully left out.

Fine. That was an exaggeration. The two of them, bless them, tried to remain friends with me. Insisted that I hang out with them and their new group of friends. They must've felt guilty about not telling me sooner or whatever. And he, that _dolt, _probably thought with that idiotic hero complex of his that I was some sort of social charity case.

Well, I was most certainly not. I was more than capable of finding friends of my own without his help. I could have simply ditched them if I wanted to. But… I loved them. I still do. Not in _that _way- more like 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you' sort of thing. We were friends since kindergarten, and the memories we made were too precious to throw away over something like this. Well, yeah, this was major, but I'm not that much of a snob.

So I decided to change tactics. There was a slight chance that their normal 'friendship' love like the three of us had got confused with 'romantic love'. It was my duty as their friend to help them become aware of the possible mistakes their hearts had made. If people started talking about them, perhaps they would realize how what they were doing was wrong.

How was I supposed to know it would backfire?

Ah, I'm such a busybody. And a big fat liar. I wasn't doing any of that for them! I had stupidly thought that if I helped them break up, they would go back to normal and everything would be just as before.

Rumors started flying across school. Nasty things that are not worth repeating passed from mouth to ear and so forth, and it eventually got to them. They couldn't even go into the same room together without everyone stopping whatever they were doing to look at them.

And guess who started all those rumors? Yours truly.

They would come to me for condolence and comfort, but I would wave them away, giving excuses like I had too much work or too much homework to talk. Sometimes, I would even jeer at them and be all-sarcastic, hinting at that they perhaps deserved everything.

I never saw onyx eyes so disappointed and hurt.

One night, they came over, practically crying. I was so shocked- they never cried!- and numb by the sight that I shut the door in their face. Not only that, but I also screamed after them 'stay away from me, faggots!' Everything just seemed to come down to a point of no return. I couldn't pretend I was okay with their relationship. I couldn't pretend I hated them for it. I couldn't pretend I didn't care anymore. 'Leave me alone!', I shouted. 'Get out of my life!'

Well… they did. The next morning, someone found the two of them hanging in the janitor's closet, hands clasped together.

Alfred, Kiku… If I join you, will you forgive me? Or is this your way of getting revenge?

Is this my fate?

* * *

_Hanna Chan's Blah-Blah Corner;_

_;A; This is just a short drabble I wrote quickly to get rid of my writers block. I know it's probably OC on Arthur's behalf, but I think there might be some hidden part of Arthur that may think like that. I certainly do not. _

_The idea isn't mine. I was browsing through a site that publishes peoples' secrets, and someone posted this-_

_**'My best friends came out as gay and started going out a few months ago.**_

_**I felt awkward and started to bully them and torture them, hoping they'd break up.**_

_**Last week, they were both found hanging in a closet, side by side, holding hands, and dead.**_

_**I'll never stand in the way of a relationship again.'**_

_It just struck me so hard that I began crying T^T The scary thing is that this actually happened... If by some bizarre chance the person who wrote that reads this, then I'd like to apologize and talk to you. Anyone else who wants to talk as well, feel free to PM me or leave a review. _

_These things happen, guys. Be careful with what you say._

_-Hanna_


End file.
